I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
