Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
