Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
