i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize