now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
