her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
