Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
