Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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