Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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