I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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