the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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