I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
