he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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