dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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