listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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