But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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