Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
