Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
