just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
