Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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