WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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