I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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