So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He shit in the fireplace
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
