Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
