Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
