Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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