I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
