i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
