you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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