I molested 6 butterflies tonight
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
