I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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