Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
