I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
