Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my poor anus
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
