he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
