drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
