my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
