his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
