Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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