i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I only lived at night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
