the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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