just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
