I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
