dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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