Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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