weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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