I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
