Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
