I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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