remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
