I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
