He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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