I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
