Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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