its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
