she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
