ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
