Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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