He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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