Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
